Somehow it is losing something I never had that forces me to face my reality. A world where in all likelihood I will be unable to work even part-time for at least 6 months, perhaps even a year or more, even if I rest intensively. A world where I have to learn to be grateful for each small improvement that I make, where I must appreciate the little things around me, like the sun breaking through the clouds or the time I get to spend with my family, if I am to be happy during this time.
So what happened? Well I passed the telephone interview stage and was put through to the assessment centre which was to take place in Zurich. Unfortunately for me the assessment centre they wanted me to go to was just one week after the telephone interview - nowhere near enough time for me to recover adequately. I told them that I was unwell so they decided they would need a doctors note to say I was fit enough to be there - of course I wasn't fit enough to go anywhere, I could barely walk from one end of the house to the other let alone trundle a suitcase onto a plane! They said they would see if they could put me in to a later assessment centre. Today I discovered that this will not happen. It seems that by this stage I was competing against only one other person and unfortunately not only did that person pass the assessment centre which I could not attend but they also must have accepted the job offer.
I am bitterly disappointed of course. How could I not be? But whether I like it or not this is probably for the best. If I had been put through to a later assessment centre and been well enough to go, it would doubtless have set me back dramatically. How can one go from not being able to tolerate any light or noise to suddenly flying to another country and doing an intensive day of testing and interviewing without consequence? I was naive I know, but at least I tried, and I tried in a sensible way.